Letting Go…

I’ve been away for a month, back in France, to resign from my old job in the aeronautical industry. I was on a sabbatical leave until now, you see, and since my company wouldn’t extend my leave (its only been 5 years…), I had to resign from the company I spent 21 years with. As they did not expect me to resign, I stayed a little to help out while they looked for my replacement, and earn my first salary in 5 years!

I did not expect letting go of my job to be so difficult, after all, I had spent the last 5 years doing something different, and was quite happy most of the time too. Nevertheless there was always this fallback solution of my job waiting for me, if anything went wrong for me here. I also couldn’t help comparing the (substantial) salary I got at work for doing so little, compared to the 8-10h I put in daily for my card and painting “hobby” and getting no financial gain out of it. Additionally, knowing that the kids will be going to universities in 2 and 4 years, my added salary would have been very handy to finance their expenses without us having to make any sacrifices. I would also get to spend more time with my eldest son who stayed in Toulouse.

So to my surprise, I was tempted to stay. But by the end of the month, being away from my younger kids and my crafting (I didn’t bring anything with me apart from my paints) was making me miserable. And when painting, which was something enjoyable to look forward to, became a pressing need by the end of the work day, I knew giving up my desk job would be the right thing to do.

So now I’m back home with my family in Ulm, the month I spent in Toulouse seems like a dream, like it almost never happened. I knew this would happen, that the minute I got back, everything would feel ok again. But this time, I no longer have the fear of letting go, because I let go, and without regret.

Something wonderful happened with my painting too, while I was in Toulouse. I don’t know why, but I simply let go too. Maybe because I didn’t have much internet to look up references or inspirations and I didn’t bring my books with me either, so I was left to painting what I saw in nature… and felt in my heart. I painted without caring if it was good or bad, and even soldiered on if the painting started out as a disaster, as with the painting above.

So is it because I closed a chapter in my life that my new one can finally take flight? I don’t know, but I certainly look forward to every step of discovering it as I know I’ll have tons of fun and pleasure along the way.